When my brother died, I was ten. I remember not knowing how to be on the anniversary of his death. Was I supposed to pretend like it was like every other day, so my parents wouldn't have to remember? Was I supposed to be sad? Was I supposed to be happy, so they wouldn't feel bad about my remembering?
Of course, I grew up, and realized that my parents were thinking about Nate anyway, so it wouldn't hurt to acknowledge the day. And I didn't have to pretend to be happy or sad. I just needed to let my parents know that I still remembered.
Today, five years ago, we lost our Adeline. We didn't want our kids to have that same pressure I felt. We didn't want them to feel pressured into sadness on this day.
At some point, when they are older, the kids might have questions. They might be more affected than they are now. They might be sad at not having had time with their sister. We want to open to talking with them. We want them to feel good about asking those questions. On the other hand, the kids might not be affected by having lost Adeline. They hardly got to meet her. We want them to feel free to not be emotional as well.
So, we decided that we, the parents, should acknowledge the day, (so that the kids don't have to tiptoe around it), and talk about how sad losing Adeline made us feel. Then, because we are thankful for our healthy kids, and we are thankful that Adeline is having a riot with Christ, we can use this day too have fun together too. A day to thank God for our family.
Maybe none of that makes sense to anyone. It doesn't have to. I just know that I would rather acknowledge our sad feelings, remembering Adeline, and then move on from there to thankfulness, for her time with us here, for her good ol' time with Christ now, and for the gift that God gave us in the family we have with us here.
We chose today to go the Great Wolf Lodge. The kids are excited. I must be too, because I couldn't sleep when I thought about getting to go on water slides all day.
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