Neonatal

My friend, Gilly, just became the mama to a wee baby girl. Her name is Bethany Grace. I am imagining her tiny hand gripping the very tip of her daddy's fingernail (and having that be alot to hold onto). I am imagining her kicking and squirming around in her soft bed of folded hospital blankets. I imagine she has a weak (maybe inaudible?), but heart-wrenching cry.
I got the call the other night while my kids were fighting and crying. I heard Tommy say that Gilly was the mom of a wee baby girl, and I couldn't calculate fast enough how early our new little friend was, exactly. But I knew it wasn't time....and then Tommy said three months early, and a flood of memories came rushing in:

Trying to peer through plastic isolettes at the baby you would rather be cuddling in her very own bedroom at home.

Holding her hand and wishing that you weren't obsessed with the monitor she is hooked up to.

Wondering when she will no longer be swimming in her baby clothes (even preemie).

Hating to see her face get all scrunched up and sad when she cries, and knowing that you can do little about it.

Dreading the fact that you have to sleep sometime, and wondering if the nurses will be gentle with her while you are gone.

And counting the days until she can finally come home to her real home with her adoring parents.

And yet, with all of that nervousness and worry and even anger at the fact that our child's welcome into the world wasn't how it was supposed to be, I remember being thankful for our tiny, beautiful kids....I remember being glad I was their mama.

There is an overwhelming love and appreciation of life that takes place when you witness first-hand (and very personally) just how fragile each one of our lives really is. And you are thankful for every moment you have to spend time with those who are precious to you.

I remember, too, thinking that I would never get angry at our kids or want to discipline them. I wondered if I would ever want to let them away from my side....would I ever get frustrated? Annoyed? Overwhelmed? No way! Look at how precious and beautiful they are! And now our tiny kids are two years old....and I am SO thankful for their health and their lives and the opportunity I have been given to raise them, but I definitely do get annoyed sometimes (and frustrated and angry)...

and this is my new lesson, I guess: that I can be really irritated at my kids in one moment and in that same moment possess an overwhelming love and care for them, a desire for them to be happy and loved and comfortable and content. And I wonder if God (our Father) thinks that way about us.

Congratulations, dear Gilly and Tommy. I know you won't read this any time soon. You will be busy for some time to come. But still, maybe some day, months from now, you will know our family was thinking of you and sending love your way.