Sisters

Our kids turned four last Saturday. Today is the anniversary of our fourth year without Adeline.
The day wasn't especially more difficult than any, because it seems that lately I am constantly reminded of our huge loss in her.
Before moving here, our kids were used to spending almost every day with other kids their age.
In moving here, they lost many great little friends.

Although I am glad that our kids have each other to make the transition to their new home an easier one, I think the move has been especially hard on S.

The kids are growing older, and as they grow, their interests have moved further apart. S wants to pretend. She wants to play with dolls. The boys want to play Spiderman and trucks and cars and monsters. S is lonely and needy. She is constantly asking me to play, and it seems that I can't ever satisfy her desire for companionship. She cries at night, because she "wants someone to sleep with like the boys get to do." And I am constantly imagining (and missing) the fun she would have with her sister, her twin.
I think, in some ways, that grieving the loss of being able to mother Adeline is really hard, but it is equally (or maybe more) difficult to grieve the fact that S missed out on a huge blessing in not having known her sister.