Top Ten Reasons to Get Out of Bed

10. My eye hurts.
9. I forgot my blankie.
8. I forgot my cat.
7. I forgot my treat (for staying dry all day, which they still get, because whenever I try to wean them off of it, even for a day, Z pees his pants).
6. My leg hurts.
5. I want to see Papa (who they know is not home).
4. I am too tired. (I am not kidding! Good one, huh?)
3. My lips hurt (even though he refuses chap stick).
2. I didn't eat supper (not true).
1. My "china" (vagina) is stinky. Okay. It's true. I do tell her to make sure to wash her "china", cuz (OH MY GOSH!) girl's front butt's stink when they don't wipe good! But really....What in the world!? When you have run out of every other option, does your brain trick itself into thinking that your mom would care if your "china" is stinky TWO HOURS after you were put in bed?! Does she think I am going to lovingly indulge her in a sweet-smelling bubble bath at this time of night? How does one know, exactly, if one's "china" is stinky anyway, especially when donning footed pajamas?!